please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
