i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you would pick up someone in the library
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
