it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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