how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
