so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
