I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
