My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
