what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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