i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
