I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
