wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize