just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
