Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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