Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
