tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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