Kiss
Puke
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize