halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
