Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
