i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize