Swine flu. Run for my life!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
