You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize