I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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