Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
