I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
