I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
