So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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