well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i will never coherently bang her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize