I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
