I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
