Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
