Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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