That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
