i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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