Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
