so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
