help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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