i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
