i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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