It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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