i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
