my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
