thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
