just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
