if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
