you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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