we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
