Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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