maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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