East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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