I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
