How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize