i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
