i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
