WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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