I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize