yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
