is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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