I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
