There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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