oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize