Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
