My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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