I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
