What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
